


Pissed Off (featuring the Annoying Orange)

by DestielWS



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c., Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Cas Pissing, Disapproving Boyfriend Dean, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Ex-Con Castiel, Ex-Con Dean, M/M, Marking, Office Sex, donald trump - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 21:22:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8301568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielWS/pseuds/DestielWS
Summary: Angry at the state of this election and at the infamous GOP candidate, a bitter Castiel convinces Dean to use his past criminal experience to break into the widely recognized Manhattan Office of Donald Trump himself with one sole mission - pee all over everything. Despite Dean's disapproval, he does what his boyfriend wants and lets him wreck havoc up there. 
Probably not the fic for you if you're voting Trump. Or like him. Or respect him. Or any impossible to understand feelings of positivity toward the man.





	

**Author's Note:**

> In honor of voting early today in my state, have my version of political commentary in fanfic form that no one asked for. 
> 
> Thanks to cumslut-dan on Tumblr for catching all my glaringly obvious grammar and punctuation errors that I somehow could not see myself. Stay in school kids or you might just end up like me.

“Cas...” Dean groaned, bouncing on his heels as the elevator beeped, going above another floor. “I don’t like this.” 

 

“No one said you had to come.” Cas stated. 

 

Dean looked over at him and rolled his eyes. “You know I can’t let you blunder in here with no clue what you’re doing.” 

 

Cas smiled slyly and nudged Dean in the arm with his elbow. “You love me.” 

 

“Do not.” Dean scoffed. 

 

“Say it.” Cas snapped, hitting him in the arm again. 

 

“Do not.” Dean repeated. 

 

“Come on...” Cas drawled, leaning over and hugging Dean’s arm. 

 

“Fine, I love you.” Dean huffed, smiling over at his boyfriend. 

 

“There. I love you, too.” Cas purred, kissing his cheek and letting go of him. “And for the record, I would do just fine without you. I would not be blundering.” 

 

“What experience do you even have with crime?” Dean laughed. 

 

“We met in jail, Dean.” Cas stated. 

 

“You were selling pot.” Dean said. “I was the real criminal. You were just a victim of the system.” 

 

“Oh don’t martyr me.” Cas grumbled. 

 

“Point is, I’m the one with experience in armed robbery. Not you. You need me.” Dean replied. 

 

“Asshole.” Cas sighed, the doors open. 

 

“And let’s be real, if it weren’t for my connections, you wouldn’t have gotten that key card.” Dean added. “And do you know how much getting an actual room to get in the building cost? Four hundred bucks. Not to mention the flight here...” 

 

“Stop complaining. This is all I wanted in life.” Cas replied, the doors starting to close. 

 

“So fucking go in before the elevators leaves with you in it.” Dean retorted, pushing Cas forward, making him stumble onto the tile. 

 

“Jeez...” Cas winced, standing up straight and slowly walking into the large room, the heels of his shoes clicking on the tile. 

 

“Getting cold feet?” Dean asked. 

 

“No, I have socks on.” Cas said. 

 

“I meant like, having second thoughts.” Dean chuckled. 

 

“Oh. No.” Cas shook his head. “I’ve waited all year for this.” 

 

“If we both end up back in jail-” Dean began. 

 

“Then I hope we end up cell mates.” Cas stated. “Where’s his office?”

 

“I don’t know. I’m just here to keep you out of trouble. Or go down with you. Either or.” Dean muttered. 

 

“We’re not going down.” Cas replied dubiously. 

 

“You made me fly you across the country so you could break into the office of a presidential nominee and pee in it. And you think there’s no risk of us going back to prison for this? If the secret service doesn’t find us and shoot us first?” Dean snorted. 

 

Cas shook his head. “They’d be so stunned at the thought of a gay man they’d freeze in their steps and we could walk out just fine.” 

 

“You’re an idiot.” Dean sighed. 

 

“Now stop wasting time. Come on.” Cas gestured. “Let’s find the office.” 

 

“I’m pretty sure that’s it right there.” Dean said, pointing to an open door with a desk showing through it. 

 

“Oh right.” Cas nodded, looking towards the room. 

 

“Get this over with. And do it quick.” Dean stated, casting a wary glance at the elevator. 

 

“Don’t rush art.” Cas replied. 

 

“Art.” Dean scoffed. “Pissing on someone’s floor is not art.” 

 

“It’s performance art.” Cas mused. “Or a political demonstration of some sort.” 

 

“Picasso is rolling in his goddamn grave.” Dean snorted, standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame as Cas looked around the room. “So forgive me if I still am going to rush your  _ art  _ in the name of not getting arrested.” 

 

“This desk is a mess. Has Trump ever heard of filing cabinets?” Cas asked. 

 

“No. Maybe someone should let him know so he can create his own brand and then watch it inevitably fail.” Dean snickered. 

 

“I’m gonna mess it up more...” Cas muttered, shoving his zipper down. 

 

Dean got off the wall and sighed, walking over to the desk. “Wait a second.” 

 

“Why?” Cas frowned. 

 

Dean picked two picture frames up off the desk and held them in his hand. “There. You hate him, not his poor family.” 

 

“Good point.” Cas nodded, reaching through the opening in his pants and pulling his cock out. 

 

“Have fun.” Dean smirked, going back over to the doorframe and setting the photos down on an adjacent small table. 

 

"Fun is an understatement." Cas smirked, flicking his thumb over the head of his cock before releasing a loose stream of pee across the desk, soaking the documents on the desk with a yellow tint. Dean wasn't one to get flustered, but his face turned a subtle shade redder as he watched his boyfriend pridefully hold up a Trump campaign flyer and smile - something also rarely done by Cas. 

 

"I still can't believe you're really doing this." Dean chuckled, tossing a wary glance over his shoulder, slightly scared of someone coming... and then inevitably being shot by secret service or something.

"You've said that how many times now, Dean?" Cas asked, looking up at him. "Stop acting so scared. No one's going to come." 

 

"You don't know that for a fact." Dean replied, turning back to face him. "So the quicker we get out of here, the better." 

 

"I know, I know. You don't want to go to jail over this." Cas nodded with a sigh. 

 

"Or the grave." Dean retorted. 

 

Cas put his hand on the large chair behind the desk and went to respond, but stopped with a pleased hum and looked over at the chair beneath his palm. "Oh my God." 

 

"What?" Dean asked. 

 

"Feel this chair. Feel this leather. This is amazing." Cas said.  

 

Dean walked over and felt the chair, nodding in agreement. "Okay. That is nice. Must be nice to be rich." 

 

"Ooh, should we rob the place, too?" Cas asked.

 

"Hey, I promised not to rob things again." Dean stated.

 

"I didn't." Cas retorted, beginning to open drawers, his cock still sitting in his hand. "Here."

 

Cas handed Dean an expensive-looking watch and also a stack of loose cash. "How much do you think this is?  "  

 

"I don't know." Dean sighed. "I really don't agree to this, either." 

 

"So you protest more to the robbing part than the defacing of property part?" Cas countered. 

 

"I... I don't know. I just want out of here. That's what I know. This office feels as gross as his views on women." Dean grumbled. 

 

"All the more reason to fuck him over!" Cas exclaimed cheerily as Dean shoved the watch and money into an inside pocket of his jacket and went back over to the door. "Finish up, Castiel." 

 

"Fine." Cas groaned. He continued rubbing the leather with his hand briefly before approaching it closer and rubbing his dick against it. "Oh, God." 

 

"I am not seeing this right now." Dean scoffed, looking away in laughter. "This is insane. You're insane. How can you rub your dick where that greasy Cheeto sits all day?"

 

"Easily. This is very expensive and nice feeling leather. I wanted to feel the sensation." Cas said. 

 

"Well you've felt the sensation enough, dumbass." Dean smiled. 

 

"We're getting one of these when we get back." Cas stated. 

 

"You wish. That chair is probably like fifty grand or something dumb like that. If we had fifty grand to spend, I'd get you something nice with it - you know, something nice that isn't a chair that cows had to die to make." Dean replied. 

 

"Oh God, you're right." Cas cringed backing off the chair. "I'm rubbing my dick on dead cows." 

 

"Oh, Cas..." Dean sighed, smiling into his chest. 

 

"You don't kill cows in the name of beauty. Fuck your dead cows." Cas growled, turning back towards the chair and aiming at it, piss dampening the fabric and dripping down it. The plastic-like texture made it all pool at the seat of the chair and leave small droplets down the back.  

 

Cas stopped after a second and leaned over, putting his hand in the small puddle and upping some of the warm liquid into his hand. He dripping it over the back of the chair again , a small smile gracing his lips. 

 

"You're fucked up." Dean muttered.

 

"What?" Cas asked. 

 

"You're hard. This is making you horny." Dean laughed. 

 

"So?" Cas mused. 

 

"Didn't take you for that kind of guy is all." Dean chuckled. 

 

"I didn't take you for that kind of guy either, to be quite honest." Cas replied. 

 

"What kind of guy?" Dean raised his eyebrows at his boyfriend inquisitively. 

 

Cas nodded towards Dean's crotch and Dean looked down and groaned. 

 

"Fuck." He laughed. 

 

"I guess we're both fucked up then?" Cas asked. 

 

"Yep. I guess we both are." Dean smiled. "But hey, if my boyfriend's got his dick out, am I supposed to be expected to NOT get turned on?" 

 

"Sure. We see each other naked all the time with no issue." Cas replied. "So yes, you are just as fucked up as me." 

 

"I'm still going to say that that's a no but thanks for the sentiment." Dean chuckled. Cas looked around the office for a moment and then Dean knocked on the wall beside him. Cas looked up  at it and then walked towards it. "Good idea." 

 

"I have my moments." Dean purred. Cas looked at the wall , getting in close to lean at a very faded magazine cover. The wall was covered in accomplishments of Trump's, magazines, awards, and personal mementos. Cas stepped back and adjusted his hand position, holding his finger over the slit at the head of his cock and let piss began spraying out in a fan formation, sending drops all across the span of the wall, leaving a shiny glisten on everything in front of him. 

 

"Hey!" Dean shouted. "Watch your aim there." Dean wiped his arm off and then wiped his hand on his shirt . 

 

"Sorry." Cas hissed. He then let go of himself, his erection keeping his cock basically where he had been holding it. He went to the other side of the room, where what seemed to be a velvet couch and table sat. He wrapped his hand back around his member and took a deep breath. 

 

“What? You're not gonna go hump the couch now?" Dean smirked. 

 

"Shut up or I'll start humping you." Cas snapped. 

 

"Wouldn't put it past you." Dean sang. 

 

Cas finished off what was left in his bladder onto the soft cushions of the couch and then went over and pressed on it all with his hands to make sure that it really soaked into the fabric and the cushions. 

 

"You're an asshole." Dean snorted.  

 

"He' s a bigger one." Cas argued.

 

"Very true." Dean snorted. "Alright, let's get out of here." Dean said standing up off the doorframe. 

 

"No. I'm not done here." Cas replied, turning around and facing him. 

 

"What do you mean?" Dean sighed. 

 

"There's one more thing we can do to desecrate this place." Cas mused. 

 

"We? No. You're doing this. I'm your unwilling accomplice." Dean said. 

 

"No.  _ We _ ." Cas said firmly. 

 

"Oh God." Dean groaned.  

 

"You were right in saying you wouldn't put it past me to hump you in this office right now." Cas drawled, slowly walking up to him. 

 

"Oh no." Dean laughed, shaking his head. "No." 

 

"You want to." Cas grinned. 

 

"I don't like that smile." Dean smirked. “That smile always means trouble."

 

"You want to this. I know you do." Cas said, standing in front of him now. 

 

"I'd rather fuck you in the safety and out of jail position of our hotel room if you don't mind."

 

"I know you like the rush, the adrenaline." Cas whispered, bringing his lips to Dean's neck. "Didn't you once tell me sex is ten times  hotter when it's in public and we might get caught?" 

 

"Fuck." Dean sighed. 

 

"Is that a yes?" Cas asked. 

 

"Yes." Dean whispered. 

 

"So look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want me to throw you over that desk." Cas growled. 

 

"I can't." Dean whimpered. 

 

Cas made a low chuckle into Dean's neck and grabbed him, walking him backwards over towards the desk. 

 

Cas began kissing Dean on the mouth, hands running down his chest then to his pants, quickly undoing his belt and zipper, shoving his pants down to his knees. 

 

"I can't believe I just agreed to this." Dean breathed, letting Cas turn him around.   

Dean put his hands on the near edge of the desk as he felt the cold air of the room hit the skin of his thighs, Cas pushing his boxers off. Cas put his hand down on Dean's upper back and pushed him all the way down on the desk, Dean's arms and body pushing all the soggy paperwork off and onto the floor as he slid across. Dean's hands grabbed the edge of the desk and held on tightly as Cas lathered two fingers up in his mouth, coating them generously with spit and then put them inside Dean. Dean sucked air in through his teeth sharply at the feeling and tightened up. 

 

"Too much?" Cas asked. 

 

"Not enough." Dean replied. 

 

"I swear to God, Cas. Every time I experience your cock I wonder why I didn't get arrested and meet you sooner." Dean said. 

 

"I love you, too." Cas stated, letting the hand he had on Dean's back slide forward and down to caress his face. 

 

Dean moaned loudly as Cas rocked his hips behind him, quickly pulling in and out of Dean's ass. Dean brought his hand up to put it on top of Cas's as he got pushed so hard against the desk, his legs were going to have bruises on them the next day from the beveled edge. 

 

"You know to be fair, the only way for us to meet earlier would be for you to get arrested earlier and any earlier you would have turned me down because you thought you were straight." Cas muttered. 

 

"I still am straight." Dean said. 

 

"You weren't when you met me." Cas stated. 

 

"Yes, I was. I just said I was curious."

 

"Just curious?" Cas asked. "Because you seem a lot more than curious right now." 

 

"I'm not." Dean argued. 

 

"I was curious when I met you. You satisfied my curiosity." Dean stated. "I'm not curious about men anymore because I tried a man."

 

"And?" Cas replied, Dean's fingers wrapping around his hand and squeezing gently. 

 

"And men aren't my thing." Dean replied. 

 

"What?" Cas scoffed, pulling out from him and standing up. 

 

Dean waited a moment before standing up and turning to face him. "Men aren't my thing. I'm straight." 

 

"What the fuck are you saying, Dean?" Cas frowned. 

 

"That men aren't my thing." Dean repeated. "But you are. You're the exception." 

 

Cas stared at him blankly before grabbing him tightly by the hips and kissing him. 

 

"Hello." Dean chuckled. 

 

"Don't scare me like that!" Cas huffed. 

 

"Scare you?" Dean laughed. "What'd you think I was going to say? That I wasn't in love you after all?"

 

"Something like that." Cas stated. 

 

"Idiot." Dean snorted. "Did you hear something?"

 

"Hear something?" Cas asked, standing up straight, hands still on Dean's hips. 

 

"No. I don't hear anything." He said after a moment. 

 

"You sure?" Dean asked, pushing Cas away from him. He waited a moment and then shrugged. "You're right. I'm being paranoid." 

 

"Is that supposed to be news?" Cas  mused. 

 

"I guess not really." Dean laughed, leaning back in towards Cas. 

 

"You know I wouldn't have you any other way." Cas whispered, sliding his hand down between their two bodies and holding both of their cocks together, gently rocking his hips up to rub them against each other. 

 

The two of them moaned softly into the other's ear, lightly kissing their necks and cheeks and lips. In a short moment, Cas started moaning louder and moving faster. 

 

"One day will you  _ please _ wait for me?" Dean teased. 

 

"You're just lazy." Cas whispered.

 

"You're just impat-" Dean began, but was interrupted by a bellowing gasp of, "What the fuck?"

 

The two of them immediately froze in horror as they looked towards the doorframe to see Donald Trump himself standing in fury . 

 

"Fuck." Dean squeaked out, shoving Cas off of him and reaching for his pants. "Come on!"

 

He and Cas fumbled towards him, knocking him down on the ground and running full-speed towards the elevator at the other side of the apartment in hopes that it hadn't been called somewhere else. 

 

"Don't make me say I told you so!" Dean shouted.

 

"You told me so!" Cas hissed as the doors opened again and they got in, Trump running towards them. 

 

Dean hit the close button frantically and the door closed right before Trump got to them. 

 

"You better have a plan of how to get out of here. Because everyone is going to be looking for us." Dean hissed. 

 

"I do. Hold on." Cas whispered. 

 

“What are y-Oh my God, Cas. Really?" Dean groaned, looking over at his boyfriend in disbelief. "Now?"

 

"Hey, I can't think if I've got...what do you call it?...blue balls." Cas grumbled, moaning breathily as he finished stroking himself, come running over his fingers and dripping onto the carpet of the elevator. "Okay. Now I can focus." 

 

"Of all the men in the world, it’s you I fall for." Dean scoffed, watching Cas hit a few different floors on the elevator. 

 

"What are you doing?" Dean asked. 

 

"Make us stop at a bunch of different floors and they won't know which one to get off on to search for us and by the time they get to our actual floor and room, we'll have changed and snuck out of there." Cas explained.

 

"Huh." Dean nodded. "I guess this is why I got caught - I don't have your brains." 

 

"You're just not good at getting yourself out of these situations." Cas replied. 

 

"Yeah sorry I never expected to be caught having anal sex on the desk of a presidential candidate." Dean snorted. 

 

They sat in silence for a moment before Dean started laughing. "I can not believe that is a sentence I just said in full seriousness." 

 

"Me neither." Cas smiled, laughing along with him as the doors opened and then shut on a floor. 

 

The two of them got off on their floor and hurried down the hall to their room, putting the key into the door and going inside. 

 

"Dean..." Cas sang mischievously. 

 

"What?" Dean answered.

"You never came." Cas stated. 

 

"Yeah. We got interrupted by Donald fucking Trump."Dean replied.

 

"So? We're not going to get interrupted now." Cas whispered, pushing Dean's still unzipped pants back down. "And you know, we should really wait a little bit since they'll be looking for two men matching our descriptions to try to leave. So, why not spend some time here?" 

 

"Okay." was all Dean could reply, watching Cas fall to his knees in front of him. 

 

"Okay." Cas nodded, eagerly taking Dean's erection into his mouth and pushing himself all the way up to Dean's stomach. 

  
  



End file.
